with credit to my english teacher

i wanna see something, i feel like i havent seen anything

i totally feel that way. i feel like i always tend to miss out and that people always tend to hold me back. i havnt found who i am as a person because everytime i wanna go somewhere and do something... i cant or something comes up. i want to experience new things and really do what i want to do for once. it has gotten so bad that when i actually get to choose what i want to do, i dont know how. i need someone to make the decisions for me. im lost without someone telling me what to do in my spare time. i am very independent, but i am sheltered from having a lot of fun. i also do the obvious stuff on my own. work, school, pay bills; where is the fun in that.

i really looking forward to NC. because it is somethng totally different for me. i hope everything goes well and that im not getting my hopes up for nothng, like i usually do. i know that this sounds dumb but i really wanna look super good when i go there. good hair, have my body the best it has ever looked, sweet clothes.... i hate the way i look now.

i am also pumped to go to cedar point for my birthday. no matter what, that is for sure going to happen. i hope chris also realizes that he is paying for most of it because i paid for everything on his birthday, and i spent a lot of money when i didnt have any to spend. not to mention that everything was way more expensive because it was super bowl weekend. i hope i dont have all of these unrealistic expectations for my birthday. i really want it to be special because i tried really hard for his birthday. and he knows that.

it just suck that everything costs money.

i have been itching to go to some concerts. chris hasnt really been up for it. im to the point that i will go with anyone who wants to go with me. dont get me wrong, chris would probably go, just it will never be his idea or be that easy to convince him to go. that tends to bum me out sometimes. i wish he liked to get out more like i do. he is a homebody sometimes

i dont have to work until thursday. i really looking forwarad to the time off. i went searching at payless today to hopefully find some cute cheap shoes... no luck. :(

wow im really "emo" right now. maybe it is the weather, or because chris and i had a bad weekend. we are all better now, but i dont think that he had to work very hard for me to forgive him. im such a push over sometimes... ok all of the time. i just forgive easy. one look at those puppy dog eyes and i am butter.... :)